She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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