I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
