ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
