He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
