I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
