Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
