Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
