So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
