Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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