Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
