Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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