This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
