I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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