every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
