two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
