Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
