I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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