i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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