Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
