A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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