God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
