Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
