I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
