Screwed.edu
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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