we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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