im drinking this country out of the recession.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
