That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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