This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
