saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
