ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
