you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
