I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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