look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
