don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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