He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
