I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
