Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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