'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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