I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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