Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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