She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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