Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
