my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
