He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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