he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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