There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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