someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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