literally had 100 drinks last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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