It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
