he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.