if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
