i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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