is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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