I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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