you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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