i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
