Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
