im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
