You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
