It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
