I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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