so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
