Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
