At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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