I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
