mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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