dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Green mimosas i think yes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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