Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize