So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
