you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I cannot find my penis.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
