I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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